wonder

For nearly a year I've noticed how I've been consciously comparing certain aspects of my life to what I recall experiencing in high school: spending inordinate amounts of time doing my best to get noticed, all the while not wanting to be noticed trying to get noticed, and either knowing and or believing everyone else around me doing the same. The experience of endless competition, insecurity, comparison, frustration, anger, deceit, awe, disrespect, guilt, success...constantly in motion. I've sensed a deepening shallowness about my expression of life. Lost has been my sense of wonder. I've moved to celebrity, from anthropology. Where is my profound gift of nagging awe with all about me?